


...Unless It Was For A Reason

by theonewhereshewrites



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Irondad, Parent Tony Stark, Poor Peter Parker, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, go away scrotum face, not really a fix-it, spiderson, stephen strange knows all, stupid angry grape, thanos stop killing my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 03:52:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15833205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonewhereshewrites/pseuds/theonewhereshewrites
Summary: After The Mad Titan Thanos wipes out half of the universe's population, Tony Stark finds himself grief-stricken and alone with his thoughts. What if he'd never become Iron Man? What if he hadn't found Peter, and hadn't given him the suit? What if he had never been an Avenger? He can't help but wonder if everyone wouldn't have been better off if he hadn't been in the picture, and he can't help but think that everything that's happened, every person that's died, every mistake that's been made, is all his fault. Until he remembers something he once said.I shouldn't be alive... unless it was for a reason.





	...Unless It Was For A Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel and their respective creators, and unfortunately, I am not them.

There was a time in which Tony Stark thought he could do anything. He thought that he could ask for anything, do anything, be anything, and nothing would stand in his way. He could have any woman he wanted, any item he wanted. Everything was right there, right at the drop of a hat. It was a time before Pepper, and a time before anyone else was really depending on him. Before the Avengers, before New York… before Peter. 

He’d be lying if he said he’d never thought about what life would be like had he still lived in that dream-like state he had once lived in. A world where he never became Iron Man, and Pepper was only his assistant, and Stark Industries had remained a weapons manufacturer. It wasn’t something he thought about often, nor was it a notion he entertained for particularly long. He couldn’t imagine a world in which Pepper was not in his life, not in the way she was now.

But the Avengers… Ultron… the Sokovia Accords… Peter.

There were more than one occasions in which he had wondered how all of those things would have turned out had he not been involved. Of course, he couldn’t imagine a life where he wasn’t an Avenger. A life where he was still an alcoholic billionaire playboy philanthropist. A life where he hadn’t met Peter.

But sometimes he wondered if perhaps the other people involved lives wouldn’t have been better off if he hadn’t been involved. He hadn’t been intended for the Avengers Initiative in the first place, Fury had made that very clear. And if he hadn’t been involved then Ultron would never have been created. Of course, that would mean that Vision wouldn’t exist. But who knows where that would place Wanda and Pietro if Ultron hadn’t happened. The Sokovia Accords had been a direct result of all of their missions having been such a disaster. So perhaps they wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been around. 

The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if the team _would_ have been better off without him. The falling out between he and Cap wouldn’t have happened, and the team wouldn’t have been so divided when Thanos had attacked. And then Peter…

He shook the thought off like a fly had landed on his skin. He couldn’t allow himself to think of the what if’s of what had happened. He would go crazy if he did.

But he knew that somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a little tiny voice whispering that it had been his fault. He had found Peter, he had given him his suit, he had been the motivator behind most of Peter’s actions. If he hadn’t gone and tracked the kid down, then perhaps he would have stood a better chance at having a normal life, to be a normal teenager.

That’s when he thought of Aunt May, poor, heart-broken Aunt May, and he felt all the more guilty. He could picture her, sitting at home in her empty apartment, staring at the open door of Peter’s bedroom, listening to the eerily quiet of the apartment. He could picture her sitting down on his bed, looking at the place where he once slept, and the clothes he had worn. He could picture her sitting at the dinner table alone, staring at the chair where Peter normally sat, knowing he wouldn’t ever sit in it again. He could practically hear her heart aching, because his was too. Because it had been his fault.

Of course, Tony understood that Peter would have disappeared with the other half of the universe’s population whether he was in space or not. It didn’t matter how hard the kid fought, or how hard Tony had clung onto him at the words, “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.” On earth, or on Titan, the kid would have disappeared regardless, this he knew. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty anyways. He blamed himself.

If he and Cap hadn’t fallen out, and the team hadn’t been so divided, and they hadn’t lost to Thanos, Peter would be at home right now, sitting on the couch and laughing with Aunt May. Or perhaps he’d be at debate practice, or building some sort of lego death contraption with Ned. _He knew far too much information about Peter’s personal life._

But how could he not know so much information about Peter’s personal life? The kid had all but moved into the Avengers compound, and Tony would be lying if he said he didn’t look forward to when Peter would arrive after school and begin rambling about whatever ridiculous thing he and Ned had been doing since he had last seen him, or whatever horrible thing Flash had said to him at school that day. If he hadn’t threatened to web him to the ceiling of the compound, Tony would have marched right down to Midtown High and beat some sense right into the kid he knew as Flash. But Peter had been adamant that Tony, nor any of the other Avengers get involved.

The compound had not been the same since the event that was being referred to as “The Snap.” Most of the rooms were empty reminders of their teammates that had disappeared in the snap, all of their belongings feeling like a painful reminder that they had failed, their clothes feeling like ghosts of the people that wore them. But more so than anything, it was the empty rooms of the teammates that _hadn’t_ disappeared in the snap that left the compound feeling so lonesome.

Cap still couldn’t be in the same room as him for longer than ten minutes, and having lost both Bucky and Sam in the snap hadn’t helped the situation. They hadn’t so much as spoken in months. Meanwhile Natasha and Bruce couldn’t so much as look at one another after having gone so long without knowing where the other was, or what they were doing. Which meant that Tony was alone at the compound with Rhodey, Thor having left on some sort of soul searching mission, and Clint at home with his grieving wife after the disappearance of not one but two of their children.

But the biggest pain, the worst ache that Tony felt, was the absence of one Peter Parker. The eery quiet of the lab as Tony worked on his suit, or the sinister silence of the room that Peter usually stayed in at the compound. It caused his heart to fall into his stomach every time he walked past the door, every time he expected to hear Peter’s nervous rambling flowing out the door and into the hall as he called, “Mr. Stark.” Suddenly, he realized all at once that he didn’t just lose teammates in the wake of Thanos’ destruction, he lost a son.

Tony couldn’t imagine the type of pain his ex-teammates were going through. Because, as much as he knew how much pain he was going through, he knew theirs was not the same kind of pain. He knew very little about Steve’s relationship with Sam and with Bucky, but he knew that if he could have, Steve would have traded his life in a split second for either of theirs. And while Natasha and Bruce hadn’t lost anyone they had known most of their lives to them in the snap, they had lost teammates, friends, family.

Not that Tony didn’t consider the Avengers his family, he did. But there were things Tony didn’t know about, things that had happened when he wasn’t around, and the dynamic between Natasha and the rest of the secret Avengers had changed, and he knew they meant much more to her than anyone else had in a long time. And Bruce, well Bruce had not only lost more than two years of his life as of late, he had also lost the other half of him, the half that, while they didn’t always get along, was a part of him.

Tony hadn’t the faintest clue as to what had happened to the girl who had called herself Nebula that he had been stranded on Titan with. Nor did he know where the raccoon everyone had been referring to as Rocket was. Wakanda was in shambles after having lost it’s king, and he really wasn’t sure he would have been any help anyways had he offered any of them a place to stay, or his aid.

So that left Tony alone at the compound, with his thoughts and a paralyzed friend who wouldn’t have been paralyzed had he not been at odds with Cap. Which left Tony feeling considerably guilty.

There were some unofficial members of the team that he hadn’t gotten a hold of since the snap, and he hadn’t the faintest clue as to whether or not they were still alive. One being Scott Lang, a man he had only met once at the airport in Germany, though according to Cap in the few words they _had_ said to one another, he was a stand up guy. Tony knew he had a daughter, though did not know whether she had survived the snap or not, and he couldn’t bring himself to find out whether another person had been hurt because of his mistakes.

There was no saying who was at fault for Thanos’ win over them all. The blame could have been put on any member of the team at any point for numerous reasons. On Strange for giving up the time stone, on Quill for slugging Thanos in the face, on Nebula for telling Quill Thanos had killed Gamora. The blame could be on Gamora for giving up the soul stone’s location, or on Wanda for not having destroyed the mind stone earlier, or on Thor for not going for Thanos’ head. The blame could be put onto any member of the team, alive, or dead, but for some reason, Tony felt it all fell on him.

It had been him who had decided they go after Loki’s sceptre in the first place. It had been him who had created Ultron. It had been him who had caused the rift between he and Cap. It had been him whose life Strange had given up the time stone for. It all came down to him, and no matter how many scenarios he ran, no matter how many times he thought about when they _could_ have stopped Thanos, he knew it came down to him. 

It came down to him. _It came down to him._ ** _It came down to him._**

That’s when he realized it. That’s when the words came crashing down on him all at once.

_I shouldn’t be alive, unless it was for a reason._

He thought of the words he had once said, and he thought of his life. He thought of all of the choices that led to him becoming Iron Man, the choices that led him to where he was now, and then a thought entered his mind.

_When it comes to saving you, or the kid, or the time stone, I will not hesitate to let either of you die._

He remembered Strange’s words, he remembered a chill running down his spine at how certain Strange had sounded when he had said those words. He remembered believing that without a doubt, Strange would sacrifice him or Peter if it meant the time stone stayed out of Thanos’ hands. But then…

_Spare his life, and I will give you the stone._

Tony had thought it was odd at the time, he had thought it was downright stupid. He had thought that Strange had hit his head. He couldn’t understand a single reason why Strange would give the stone up to spare Tony’s life. But now, looking at it from a different point of view, another thing Strange had said had lit up like a lightbulb in Tony’s brain. 

_I looked forward in time, to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict._

_How many did you see?_

_14,000,605._

_How many we win?_

_One._

In all of the outcomes, in more than 14 million outcomes, there was only one outcome in which they win. The odds of that were horrible, yes, and when Strange had said it, he had felt his own heart drop into his stomach. But that meant that there was one outcome in which they won, and it was after viewing the possible outcomes of the future that Strange had offered the time stone for his life.

_We’re in the endgame now._

_There was no other way._

Strange’s words rung over and over again in Tony’s head as he thought of what Strange had said. As he thought of the events of the day over and over, trying to remember every last detail he could, anything he could have missed. But he was certain he knew what all of this meant now. He was certain it meant what he thought it did.

**_It came down to him._ **

He knew what he had to do, and he knew exactly the star spangled-captain he needed to do it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment & let me know if there's anything I can improve, or anything that feels super out of place. 
> 
> Also let me know if anyone would want me to continue on!
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
